The Fourth Man
by TheModernJaneite
Summary: "It really was too much to hope even of Harriet, that she could be in love with more than three men in one year." Or was it? A Harriet story of finding true love and never settling. Canon. Alternate ending.


The Fourth Man

" _I never should have presumed to think of it at first," said she, "but for you. You told me to observe him carefully, and let his behaviour be the rule of mine – and so I have. But now I seem to feel that I may deserve him; and that if he does choose me, it will not be any thing so very wonderful."_

Harriet had decided to take a turn around the park and was therefore away when the letter from Emma came. What could be the occasion for writing? Harriet asked herself. Ever since their last meeting, in which Harriet had espoused her love for Mr. Knightley and Emma had responded in a manner so bizarre and entirely unlike her, the former had been in a state of utmost confusion.

Emma had not been pleased by Harriet's declaration, that much was to be ascertained. Yet Harriet could not seem to understand the reason for her friend's reluctance. Emma herself had proclaimed that she would never marry, and so Harriet wrote off any affections on her part. Yet she continued to wonder, for nothing else made sense. Had Emma not introduced her to her friends with the very clever scheme of finding her a husband? Had she not insisted that she would help her find a husband of significant worth, so to raise her own position?

For Harriet's position was dire indeed. Though she had lived comfortably in the past, Harriet knew that marriage was the best means of securing that comfort and ensuring that she never wanted for money. Without knowing her parentage, she could have no connections, and no one to provide for her should she require it.

When she stepped through the door, Mrs. Goddard handed her the small envelope with the delicate handwriting that Harriet recognized immediately. She took it with a brief polite greeting to Mrs. Goddard, apprehension flooding through her.

She went quietly to the common room and sat down, tearing the letter without bothering to use the opener that rested at a desk situated on the other side of the room just under the window.

Harriet was to be disappointed. It was very short, and did not answer any of her questions. Emma requested that Harriet not visit Hartfield for the next few days. Further, she wished they would not speak of one subject in particular and outside of meeting in a group, had no inclinations for their being alone together anymore. It was incredibly odd of her good friend! Had Harriet indeed offended her in some way? One subject, she had said. It must be the subject she had brought up that had provided such discomfort to the both of them. Had her affections for Mr. Knightley really been so abhorrent to Miss Woodhouse? How she wished she could understand what Emma was thinking! But it was not to be done, though the letter could be stared at and scenarios could be imagined. Harriet pondered for a time, but could still not understand her friend's mind and quickly gave up. Perhaps Mr. Woodhouse was having a spell and Emma did not want to upset him further.

Regardless of her reasoning, a response must be made. Harriet would make it very proper, with no resentment apparent at all, though she must confess she did resent her friend. Her resentment might have been well-placed had she been able to formulate Emma's reasons for keeping her away.

* * *

When the next letter came, even Harriet had sense enough to notice that Emma was deliberately trying to package her off to avoid their meeting.

It had been talked of, of course. She had walked into the town and heard it everywhere she went. Mr. Knightley had returned from his stay in London and he and Miss Woodhouse were to be engaged and married as soon as time allowed.

Harriet felt herself a fool for not noticing it earlier. She had confessed to her friend her feelings when Miss Woodhouse was in such a state! But Emma had said nothing about it. She had been disaffected by Harriet's statements, but had never explained why. Now the truth was revealed to Harriet plainly.

Yet she had insisted that she would never marry. Indeed, Harriet felt so certain of this fact that upon hearing the news she had been astonished and quite unable to believe what she was hearing. Miss Woodhouse and Mr. Knightley – yes, they made a fine pair, they were properly matched with one another. Harriet felt all the worse for having believed she could ever measure up to Emma's elegance. Harriet's namesake, her prospects – all spoke to forces working against her that would never allow her to catch up to Emma. Her friend had promised they would remain together so long as a respectable husband was found for Harriet. Yet now Harriet wished she would never have to see Emma again.

The letter by Miss Woodhouse clearly indicated that she felt the same way. She had written to say that she had procured Mrs. John Knightley's invitation to stay with them in London for a fortnight. It was all too agreeable to Harriet. In addition to avoiding her friend, she also needed to have a tooth examined. The trip to London afforded the opportunity for both needs.

The morning swiftly came for her journey. She packed her few belongings in a small trunk and waved goodbye to Mrs. Goddard, who stood with a smile outside the place. Harriet was helped into the carriage by the coachman and they were away.

She looked out the window at the rolling hills and lush valleys, at the world so alive and so bright around her and yet felt a heaviness in her chest that she could not fully identify. How much of a fool had she been to think that Mr. Knightley might actually be in love with her? How unaccountably obvious it was now that he had affections for Emma. Indeed, as Harriet considered the subject, he had probably had such feelings for a long time.

How could she return to Highbury after her visit? It was the only place that she had known, and yet she now felt as though it were the last place on Earth she should like to be. To return, when everyone else would be celebrating Miss Woodhouse's marriage! To see her every day in such a happy and tranquil state while Harriet herself suffered! It was too much for her to bear, too much to ask of her. Harriet closed her eyes and tried to sleep amid the chaos inside. When she awoke, the driver jerked open the door and waited for her to step out.

Harriet found herself in front of the Knightleys' home in London and was swiftly whisked inside by Mrs. Knightley and the children. How wonderful it was to see them! Harriet returned their affections fondly, and felt a tear in her eye at being welcomed so openly by them. Would she be able to be so friendly with them when Emma and Mr. Knightley were married? Would she see them at all? Harriet began to be dispirited by these thoughts, but the inquiries made by Mrs. Knightley pulled her back and necessitated a cheerful response.

Shooing the children away, Mrs. Knightley embraced Harriet with open arms, asking immediately how everyone at home fared, and in particular what was the state of their health and how did they get on with this dreadful weather? Harriet had scarcely answered her questions, assuring her that the weather was indeed quite fine and of no consequence to anyone, when Mrs. Knightley began recommending to her the services of Mr. Wingfield. This subject necessarily led to her aching tooth and Harriet was obliged to give all the particulars of her pain so that her companion could lament and assure her of Mr. Wingfield's expertise in the area.

Once the pleasantries had been exchanged, Harriet was led to a guestroom near the back of the house that she had gotten used to thinking of as her own these past months. Everything was laid out for her, her small trunk of things unpacked and put away, and a fire blazed in the fireplace. Harriet was content, and yet the dejection that she had felt hours ago continued to stir inside, a violent storm of emotion that Harriet had often felt since she had been introduced to Miss Woodhouse.

Where was she to go? What was she to do? Returning to Highbury was unthinkable, for Harriet must necessarily be ejected from the society she had been used to inhabit. Her failure to win the affections of Mr. Elton and then Mr. Knightley impressed on her deeply, and being alone without the prospect of disturbances, Harriet allowed herself to cry most bitterly in the face of her situation. The general opinion of her must be low indeed! For if Miss Woodhouse could have no faults, as everyone always conceded, then certainly the fault must lie with Harriet.

And yet, the more Harriet considered it, the more odd that statement seemed. Indeed, Miss Woodhouse had introduced her to her society, had instructed her in the ways of improvement of self and spirit, and had increased her prospects for marriage. Yet even Harriet could see that she had been wrong. She had been wrong with Mr. Elton, and had always taken offence with Miss Fairfax when she seemed to Harriet to be the loveliest of people.

The more Harriet considered this, the more resent she felt towards Emma. Never before had she thought of her "dear friend" in this light, but now she saw it all so differently. Emma had used her most unjustly, promising her marriage and a place in society, but in doing so, she had diminished Harriet's prospects entirely. She would have been perfectly content with Mr. Martin had she been allowed to consider him an equal for her in status and wit. But now as she thought of him, there was nothing at all. To marry Mr. Martin after she had been told she could aspire to greater! After Emma herself had told her Mr. Martin was not a fit for her! And then she had brought him up in their last conversation. She had encouraged her to think again of him simply to direct her attention away from Mr. Knightley!

The more Harriet pondered this, the more she was inclined to see Miss Woodhouse as the proponent for her despair and her ruin. It was not something that Harriet had ever considered before. She had always been so grateful to Miss Woodhouse for her kindness, for the obvious goodwill of heart that she showed her. How foolishly she saw herself when she looked back. How blind she had been to the world in front of her. She believed Miss Woodhouse's assurances that she could improve her standing, but she did not know the identity or the whereabouts of her father. She had no real name, no connections, and the futility of her position hit her dramatically. Marriage was the only way she could improve herself, yet Miss Woodhouse had now mitigated these possibilities. Her past ventures had shown her that she could not expect to marry someone above herself, but the influence of Miss Woodhouse had given her such an important sense of herself that the very prospect of marrying another Mr. Martin was inconceivable.

* * *

Harriet's dreams were often strange things and this night was no different. She found herself in London, or what she thought was London. She couldn't be sure. Large metal carriages whizzed by her and people walked swiftly. But they weren't the same people that existed in Harriet's world. At least, she didn't think so. These people wore peculiar clothing and had strange hairstyles. And many of the women were wearing breeches! Harriet marvelled at this strange scene. What world had she fallen into? For this could not be her own reality.

"Why should this not be real?" A voice asked her. Harriet looked around and saw nothing. Then, suddenly, the wind rose, and a light blinded her. When she could see again, there was a man standing before her. She had never seen him before, though he was dressed in the attire that she was used to.

He stared at her solemnly. "Why do you hesitate?" He asked.

Harriet could not comprehend him. She could not comprehend anything that was happening.

"You are bound by invisible shackles. Release them, and start living as you were meant to."

"What are you speaking of?" Harriet asked in confusion. "Who are you?"

"Your relationship with Miss Woodhouse was a detriment. Without her, you have nothing to lose. Let the past die, and embrace the future."

"I need not return to Highbury? But where am I to go?" Harriet asked him.

"Why should you go anywhere?" He answered, though his voice was muffled and he started to fade into the background.

"Sir!" Harriet called, scarcely understanding why. This man seemed to have answers, and she desperately needed them. However, darkness swallowed her, and the dream was no more.

* * *

Harriet awoke the next morning feeling no better about her situation and more confused than ever before. Who was that odd man? Why had he called Miss Woodhouse a detriment? Harriet herself had never thought of her friend as such. Certainly, she resented her, but she had enjoyed much of their time together while they were friends.

What could that man mean by saying those things? Harriet pondered this at length but found she had no answer and eventually she gave up thinking about it. She was called for breakfast soon after and descending the large staircase into the front hall, she quickly forgot all about her dream.

* * *

Mrs. Knightley chattered away to her husband, who was studiously reading his paper and responding occasionally in the affirmative to make it appear that he had heard her. As Harriet entered the breakfast room, she heard her friend telling her husband of Mr. Wingfield's good deeds for the week. Harriet suspected this was a common occurrence in the household. She also suspected that Mrs. Knightley visited Mr. Wingfield a good deal more often than she admitted, for she always had the latest news on his activities. Mr. Knightley continued reading his paper, only pausing to interject a comment about the good doctor's fine qualities in a tone that suggested he thought rather much less of him than what he said. Harriet wondered at his allowing his wife such freedoms.

When Harriet entered, Mrs. Knightley's attentions turned to her friend, who was to be a more attentive listener. She inquired about her rest, and Harriet answered that it had indeed been pleasant, and that she was very comfortable here.

"Oh my dear! How wonderful! I am so glad that you can come and stay with us for I have just had news that a new family has moved in to the neighbourhood and I know you will delight in it much, particularly once your tooth has been put to rights. Which reminds me, I am to call on Mr. Wingfield today to set the date. You will be feeling better in no time. I have every confidence in Mr. Wingfield's knowledge and expertise."

Harriet agreed that Mr. Wingfield certainly must be capable of much and reaffirmed her faith in his abilities. Then she asked, "But who is this new family who has settled here? I did not know there was a vacancy."

"Oh! To be sure, there hasn't been for quite some time, but just last month, the Warwicks decided they needed a change of scenery and left quite suddenly. I advised them against it, for as you know, there is no one quite like Mr. Wingfield around to give them such good care, but there it was, they would not have it any other way. Now a new family is to be arriving this afternoon, and I have had it from Mrs. Hawthorne that they have young boys. What a wonderful thing for our children! I should be very happy to see them all together. For certain, Mr. Knightley must call on them."

Mr. Knightley was currently engrossed in his paper and did not respond, but his wife did not seem to notice.

"Indeed, they will want to know all about the town and the company, and naturally where the best doctor is. Perhaps they will be looking for a governess too."

"A governess?" Harriet inquired.

"Yes, naturally my children do not need one, but they have become rather popular as of late."

Harriet considered this. To become a governess! She could stay in London, rather than return to Highbury if she found employment with a family. She would be paid a wage and be allowed a comfortable home with a lovely family. Yes, perhaps that would do very well for her.

"When will they be arriving?" Harriet demanded eagerly.

"Tomorrow, I believe. Oh, yes, we must have John go and greet them at the earliest convenience. I am quite eager to know them myself, and certainly my dear, you must be of the party too."

Tomorrow! Everything excited in Harriet, every emotion was heightened, every feeling alive inside her. Perhaps she would be able to find something in London and start a new life!

* * *

Tomorrow came and Harriet's excitement did not abate, however Mrs. Knightley had arranged for her tooth to be looked after as soon as possible and so this was to be the day. Harriet was to be disappointed by this setback, but there was always the next day, Mrs. Knightley reminded her warmly. That was very well for her, but Harriet had only two weeks before she had to return to Highbury. She supposed that she could ask Mrs. Knightley to extend her stay, but she did not want to be a burden.

Her fears were to be fruitless however. Upon returning from the doctor with her tooth aching much less, Harriet had the good fortune to hear that Mr. Knightley had been to call on the new neighbours and had successfully procured an invitation to dine with them on Thursday, just two days hence.

The day arrived and the family made their way to the house. It was large and exquisitely modern. They were ushered in by a servant and the family came to meet them.

And who were these mysterious newcomers? They had come from Gracechurch Street further off in London. Apparently they had tired of the society there and were seeking new areas and new families. The Gardiners were a respectable family with a number of children, all of whom Harriet felt could benefit from a governess. Mr. Gardiner was a lawyer, and his wife was young and very fashionable. Harriet liked them instantly. They were exceedingly kind to them all.

She then found that their niece had accompanied them for the journey. Miss Kitty Bennet was about Harriet's age and very lively. They began to talk and once it was found that they shared the same interests in fashion, balls, and the goings-on around them, the two got along famously. Kitty told Harriet all about her family and especially her mother.

"My mother is always telling us we need to go out and find men with money," Kitty lamented, rolling her eyes. "She is always complaining about her 'poor nerves.' What the devil does that mean anyway?"

Harriet did not know, but she was impressed with Kitty's mother's determination in getting all her daughters married off as soon as possible to gentlemen with considerable wealth. Kitty was not in Harriet's situation, but she did not possess a large fortune either. Harriet began to wonder if she had been wrong after all, but supposed that such things as marriage to a rich gentleman were not likely to come her way in her circumstances. Nonetheless, Kitty was adamant that gentlemen should be sought after and Harriet went along with it.

They were soon to be seen window shopping together and walking through the parks on nice days. Harriet thoroughly enjoyed Kitty's company, which was unequivocal and a great delight. There was no pretence. The girl was straight-forward and kind. When she felt she had to speak, she did so. Harriet wished she could be more like her, though when she thought of Miss Woodhouse's influence on her, she changed her mind.

Soon there was talk of a ball that was to be thrown by Mr. and Mrs. Price. Everyone rejoiced. Kitty was determined that she should be able to find them both suitable dance partners for the whole night. Harriet did not know what to think of that. Her mind was occupied with thoughts of dancing and attending a real ball for the first time in her life. It did not matter to her at all whether anyone asked her to dance, for she was humble and too good-natured to believe that anyone might be looking for a dance with her.

* * *

Harriet entered the ballroom, excitement coursing through her. How delightful it was! How beautiful everything appeared! Everything was decorated to perfection and everyone was dressed so finely. Harriet sighed happily before remembering that she would not be able to enjoy this forever. Indeed, this could be the first and last time that she would be able to attend a ball. Her spirits deflated somewhat at this prospect. Governesses did not attend balls. They were not allowed to be seen by these fine people.

Harriet felt invisible as she looked around at all these fine people. How wonderful it was to be able to dance and walk and call on friends every day! These people had no cares at all, they had nothing to concern or frighten them for they lived so comfortably. Harriet would have given anything to have that again. But without a husband, she would not be able to support herself. And she would not return to Highbury. Mr. Martin was a lovely man, but she had seen more of the world than she ever thought she would, and she could no longer be confined to that place. Emma would never know that feeling, and Harriet was beginning to think that was a fault in her. She would never know the wonders that the world had to offer. She would never understand what it was to really live life. Harriet congratulated herself on her success in this field.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Kitty taking her arm and dragging her towards the dancing excitedly.

"Harriet, we must be diligent. Do you think any of them will ask us? I desperately hope so, for I so love to dance!"

"I think certainly one of them will ask you," Harriet responded. She was not as certain about herself, but she was unconcerned. Her friend was lively and sweet, and seemed to garner attention wherever she went. She would be content with watching the proceedings unfold.

"Oh Harriet! You are too modest. I expect you will stand up no fewer than three times tonight," Kitty said triumphantly.

"Three times!" Harriet simply could not believe her friend. She was not so refined as the rest of the women here. She did not have the manners or the air of one such as Miss Woodhouse, though the latter had tried to instruct Harriet in her ways.

It was not to be much dwelt upon. The dancing commenced and Kitty was quickly asked by a young gentleman to dance, as Harriet expected. Her friend looked back wistfully. Harriet smiled at her encouragingly and Kitty returned it and left her.

Harriet was standing with Mrs. Knightley and Mrs. Gardiner, both of whom were engaged in conversation about the rest of the neighbours in the ballroom and their families, and who looked quite in season and who did not. Harriet did not join in. She was content with looking around at all the couples and taking in the atmosphere with the good nature of one who is not anticipating anything to come her way and is enjoying what she has while she has it.

It was therefore a surprise when a young man appeared before them to speak to Mrs. Knightley.

Harriet jumped and stared at him, confusion spreading over her features. Had she not seen this man before? Was he not the same man from that strange dream? She tried to remember whether she had seen him elsewhere and failed. Nothing came to mind but that dream.

"Ah, Mr. Lestrange, what a lovely surprise! I did not expect to see you here," Mrs. Knightley exclaimed.

The stranger smiled and said, "Yes, I have just returned from Wiltshire presently. I had not the time to call on anyone, but I am pleased that I was able to attend tonight, for there are many old friends I have been wishing to meet again."

Harriet tried not to stare at this Mr. Lestrange too closely. He certainly looked like the man from her dream, but what was more disorienting was his voice. He had a distinguished accent that was completely unlike any that Harriet had heard, and she almost wondered if he was foreign. Harriet would never have mistaken him for anyone else, she was certain.

"Oh! How rude I am, you must forgive me," Mrs. Knightley said, waking Harriet from her reverie. "This is Mrs. Gardiner, who has recently moved into the neighbourhood, and my sister's dear friend, Miss Harriet Smith. This is Mr. Bernard Lestrange, who stays just down the road when he is here on business."

The young man bowed and smiled at Harriet. Harriet curtseyed shyly in response, still feeling utterly confused about the situation. However, she did not have time to dwell on it. The pleasantries were exchanged and no sooner had they been acquainted than Mr. Lestrange asked her to dance the next two sets with him.

Scarcely knowing how to feel, for the dream was still at the forefront of her thoughts, Harriet accepted graciously. He bowed and walked away, whereupon Mrs. Knightley immediately began to tell her all the details of the elusive Mr. Lestrange.

"Oh, my dear, how wonderful! Mr. Lestrange is a most respectable gentleman in the neighbourhood. And he has twelve thousand pounds a year! Is that not wonderful?"

Harriet startled at this. Kitty had told her that her sister Elizabeth had married a man with ten thousand a year and that had seemed like quite a lot of money. What could a man such as he want with her? It did not make sense to Harriet. She had nothing to offer, no status, nor money.

Harriet tried to get more information from Mrs. Knightley on the subject but her efforts were to be futile. Mrs. Knightley could not offer any useful information and Harriet soon gave up trying. She was left to dwell on her own thoughts until the next dance was to start and he came back for her.

They took their place on the dancefloor and when the music started, he asked her whether London was to her satisfaction.

"Yes, I am enjoying it immensely," Harriet responded. "There is so much to see and to do! I feel as though I should never tire of it."

"This is your first time then?" he asked, smiling at her.

"Oh, yes! I have met the Knightleys before, but I had never had the pleasure of coming to London before now. They are so kind to allow me refuge."

"I very much doubt that you give them any trouble," he told her as he spun her around.

"It is not my desire to entreat on anyone longer than is required," Harriet responded.

"You wish to be independent."

Harriet considered this. "I wish to not be a burden on anyone if I can help it."

"And where do you come from, Miss Smith?" He asked her, gazing at her intently.

"Highbury, in Surrey."

"But you do not look fondly on it."

Harriet looked at Mr. Lestrange. "Oh! No indeed, I have enjoyed my time at Highbury exceedingly. But London is so full of life and adventure. I feel as though I could live here forever and never know enough of it."

He laughed. "But you must visit other places too, to find out what they have to offer."

Harriet nodded her agreement. "I'm sure I should be happy to visit any place where there is adventure to be found."

"I am certain that you will not be disappointed, wherever you go."

"Have you been to many places, Mr. Lestrange?" she asked excitedly.

"Indeed I have. I am always delighted with the company and the sights. I should always like to be able to travel to new lands."

Harriet thought this wonderful and found herself enjoying this stranger's company immensely. When they left that night for home, it was with a promise that he would call on her in a few days. Harriet felt lighter than she had in weeks, and thoughts of Highbury, Emma and Mr. Knightley left her mind to be replaced with this kind stranger.

* * *

After their first meeting, Mr. Lestrange began to call on Harriet. When he first visited, Harriet was astonished. Someone was here to call on her! There was no Miss Woodhouse here now to steal the attention, and Harriet was forced to recognize that he had called on her because he had in fact, wanted to speak to her. The thought gratified Harriet exceedingly, but she began to fear that he thought more highly of her than he should. Did he think she came from money? Her acquaintance with the Knightleys certainly suggested that she did. She would not be among their company if she did not. He must think that she was some rich heiress. He must think her like Miss Woodhouse!

This concerned Harriet to the point that she felt she must tell him, but every time she was on the verge of bringing it up, the words would not come. Every meeting became harder. He spoke of everything and anything to her. Harriet was so engaged by what he had to say that she often forgot her own troubles until one day she forgot about it entirely.

He told her of his brothers who had died in the wars, of his mother who had died in childbirth while delivering him, and his father who had passed not long after. He had been left his estate by an estranged uncle who had had no children of his own.

Harriet empathized with him. Her own situation had left her alone, but she had had the good fortune to go to school. He had had no one. Her respect and admiration for him grew and she thought he must find a wife who would provide him with happiness and comfort to kill that loneliness.

When he asked her about her own situation, she danced around it, not willing to let the dream end just yet. She felt guilty about hiding it, but she enjoyed his presence so much that she would rather delude him just a little longer.

* * *

They were at breakfast one morning when Mrs. Knightley exclaimed, "Oh, how wonderful!" while reading a letter.

Harriet looked over to inquire after the subject of the letter, but she need not have spoken. Mrs. Knightley could not contain such joyful news.

"Harriet, my dear, you must hear this! My dear sister and brother-in-law are to be married the Sunday after next. Isn't it wonderful? I always thought they were a wonderful match."

Harriet wondered at her certainty, for she had never heard her speak of it in her life. It was not for Harriet to ponder this however. She smiled and said it was all very well and that Miss Woodhouse would make a beautiful bride. She meant it, for she wished nothing bad on Miss Woodhouse and she was beginning to feel that perhaps she was more fortunate than her friend in some regard. She had been to London, had seen much of the world, and Emma had only Highbury and her circle of followers. There was Miss Bates with her letters, and Jane Fairfax with her loveliness that Harriet was beginning to think Emma could not match, no matter how she might try. There was Mr. Elton and his wife, both so self-involved, and Frank Churchill, who had always perplexed Harriet. Then there was Mr. Knightley, dear Mr. Knightley who had been so kind to her. But Harriet now realized that all the while he had been thinking of Miss Woodhouse, always of Miss Woodhouse.

This was Harriet's fate. She lived in the shadow of a beautiful, absurd girl who knew nothing of what real life held in store and who received all the attention from everyone. Harriet felt a mere shadow in Emma's presence.

But Emma was not here in London. None of them were. Harriet had met many others here who were kind to her, and who seemed to want to know her. Kitty was a dear friend to her, and now Mr. Lestrange.

Mr. Lestrange, with his strange ideas and his charming smiles. He had called on her five times since they had met and every time, Harriet had to remind herself that it was because he thought she was of the same standing as Miss Woodhouse, that he thought she had a large fortune. Miss Woodhouse might not be here with her, but Harriet felt her presence as clearly as if she were right next to her. He was looking for Miss Woodhouse in her, but he would not find her. Emma could raise her up to a higher society by improving her manners, but she could not change her circumstances or her parentage.

Harriet's mood began to darken as she thought of this and it did not improve as Mrs. Knightley continued.

"Harriet, you must hear, I have just thought of this. You must stay an extra week with us and then we shall all return to Highbury together for the wedding. Won't that be delightful!"

Harriet started at this suggestion. Return to Highbury for Miss Woodhouse's wedding? She had spent the last week believing that she would never return, fully intending to begin a new life in London. Were those plans to be cancelled? If she should return, would she be able to come back to London? More, would she be welcome back in Highbury?

Harriet knew she was being silly with the last concern. Of course she would be welcomed back by her friends. She was certain that Mr. Knightley would be kind to her, as he always was. Mr. Woodhouse would certainly be happy to see her too.

But she did not know how Miss Woodhouse would receive her. They had parted suddenly, and Harriet did not have a desire to meet again so soon.

She had to choose. She could return to Highbury or stay in London. She knew the Gardiners were looking for a governess. She could offer her services and would never have to think of Highbury or Miss Woodhouse or Mr. Knightley ever again.

The answer was right there before her. Yet Harriet hesitated, a creeping feeling of doubt rising within her at this plan. If she became a governess, she would probably never she Mr. Lestrange again. Perhaps she might still be able to see Kitty, but all those balls would be lost to her forever. No one would be able to call on her.

But when she thought of it, there really was no other choice. She would not return to Highbury. The only thing left was to become a governess. She would go tomorrow and ask the Gardiners to take her in. She hoped they would accept. Though she despaired at the thought of never being able to attend a ball, she knew that she would still have some freedom in London, much more so than in Highbury.

* * *

"A governess? My dear Harriet, what has come over you?" Mrs. Knightley asked the morning after Harriet had.

"I should like to stay in London. I believe there is nothing for me if I return to Highbury."

Mrs. Knightley frowned in confusion. "Nonsense, my dear, for certain you must find a husband. Why should you lower yourself to becoming a governess?"

"Indeed, I do not believe I would lower myself at all. I have been born knowing that this would be the likely outcome." Harriet tried to sound firm, though Mrs. Knightley's questions made her waver.

"Will you not be attending my sister's wedding?" Mrs. Knightley asked.

"I do not think so, for I have made arrangements to start as soon as I am able," Harriet said. "The Gardiners have expressed great interest and delight in my helping them and so I certainly believe I must help in any way I am able."

"You must stay your fortnight with us, as you originally intended." Mrs. Knightley pressed. Harriet agreed all too readily, for she was to leave the day after her stay was to have concluded.

When it had all be sorted, Mrs. Knightley sighed and said, "Harriet, I simply do not understand it. With friends such as us, how could you want for anything?"

Harriet did not respond. Her friend did not understand the reason why she had to leave. Harriet had been raised up in society until everyone believed her to be something she was not. She did not want to give them false pretences, though she was doubtful about her decision. Never to attend another ball! Never to be called upon, or attended to! It was a great loss and Harriet regretted ever knowing what it was to have those experiences in the first place.

She resigned herself to this new life. How odd everything would be to her now. She was certain the Gardiners would treat her well, but she knew certain responsibilities would be expected of her. Perhaps she night be able to see Kitty now and again, and the children were lovely creatures. She was sure she would quickly become accustomed to her new life.

Though perhaps most of all she regretted that she would never see Mr. Lestrange again. He had been a wonderful presence in her life and she should have liked to be acquainted with him forever. Indeed, she thought herself very much in danger of falling in love with him if she did not act quickly.

Harriet felt a pang in her chest. She could not go down that road. She had already become too accustomed to his presence and his attentions to her. She would never be able to go back. Indeed, perhaps it was already too late to go back.

Harriet felt tears welling in her eyes and asked Mrs. Knightley if she might be excused. The latter agreed and Harriet returned to her room swiftly, starting to regret her decision as she came to the conclusion that she might very well be in love with Mr. Lestrange.

* * *

The Knightleys and their children were to dine out. Harriet had also been invited but was not feeling up to the task. She had not recovered from this morning's epiphanies. She complained of a headache and, reassuring Mrs. Knightley that she did not need Mr. Wingfield, she requested that they make her excuses and she be allowed to remain at home to rest.

Harriet lay on the couch and thought of her options, but was no closer to finding an answer. Suddenly there was a knock at the front door. Harriet sat up in alarm. Who was calling at this time? She tried to make herself presentable should the stranger enter.

No sooner had she placed herself in a chair near the fireplace when the butler announced that Mr. Lestrange was here to call on her and the gentleman himself strode in.

Harriet's eyes widened at the impropriety of the situation. Alone with Mr. Lestrange! What was he doing here, calling on her at a time such as this?

He bowed, no hint of unease in his movement. "Pardon me, Miss Smith, Mr. Jenkins alerted me to the family's being out, and your being here. I hope I am not intruding unkindly."

Harriet's head was pounding, but she would not appear rude in front of him. "Certainly not! I hope you have not been disappointed with the company you have found, for as you say, the family have gone out to dine tonight and I do not expect them back until much later."

Mr. Lestrange raised an eyebrow. "Disappointed? No Madam, you mistake me. I am calling on you. The company is exactly as I would wish it to be."

Harriet's face flushed at his statement. She waited for him to continue.

He looked at her, then out the window. Then, "Shall we walk? There is still a good deal of daylight to be had for another hour at least."

Harriet was confused by this, for they were not likely to be disturbed here, but nodded.

The day was warm when she stepped outside, and everything was bathed in a soft glow. Mr. Lestrange offered Harriet his arm, and she took it, glancing around to see if anyone else was around to see. Thankfully, there was not and she relaxed marginally.

They walked towards a nearby park, and here there were people, but Mr. Lestrange led Harriet down a sheltered path where they could speak in private. She was thankful for the shade, for her head still pained. She tried to ignore it.

They discussed the weather and other mindless topics. He asked her how she had fared with Kitty yesterday. She answered politely and on they went. Harriet knew she had to tell him now what her prospects were. She had to tell him that she was to become a governess, and that she would likely never see him again, because when you worked in a house, you were not visible to the important people. She had given herself over to Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and to them she must now commit. She had chosen to stay instead of going back to Highbury and this must be her consequence.

"Do you know, I think Mr. and Mrs. Price are to hold a ball in about a fortnight. Are you looking forward to it? I know how you delight in a ball."

Harriet agreed, though she was much less enthused than she normally would have been. They stopped in a grassy area, the sun setting in the distance. Oh, how Harriet wished they could stay like this forever! She despaired the thought of becoming a governess, where she had once rejoiced in it, but leaving for Highbury was still much worse. At least she might still catch a glimpse of him from time to time.

Mr. Lestrange turned to Harriet and hesitated. Then he spoke. "Miss Smith, I hope you will not think me forward in asking this, but I have been in a state of nerves recently that I hope you may help me unravel."

Harriet frowned in confusion, but answered that yes, indeed, she would help him if she could.

"Wonderful," he told her with a dashing smile, his usual charm returned. "I find myself enamoured by a young woman whom I believe may be willing to return my affections, yet I am finding it difficult to ask her, for she puzzles me exceedingly."

He looked at Harriet, who returned the gaze with a curious look. She had never been very clever, and she wondered just now who he was referring to and why he would be asking for her expert opinion on this, which was really not so very expert.

He laughed at her expression and said, "Indeed, she never fails to raise my spirits."

Harriet began to wonder at this, but felt perhaps this was for the best. They could not go on like this and she was to become a governess. If he had found someone else, it was most sensible for her to encourage him and forget him. Though her heart ached at the prospect. She tried to ignore it. He had been a wonderful presence for her. Indeed, he was perhaps the most lovely human being she had ever met, but he was not to be sought after. He was too far out of her reach. She did not belong in his world.

She took a breath and said, "I am eager to be of assistance, Mr. Lestrange, if I am able, for such a woman must certainly return your affections, if she be sane."

"I am so glad you agree," he told her and proceeded to kneel in front of her. Harriet's mouth dropped open in shock. "Dearest Harriet, since I first met you, I have thought of nothing else but the feelings you excite in me. I have only known you a fortnight, but I have since then come to believe that you are the greatest wonder in this world, and I should like nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you at my side."

Harriet looked on in horror. He could not have meant that _she_ was the lady he was referring to! Oh, she had led him on. She had made him believe that she was like him. She had made him believe that she was like Miss Woodhouse and now she would regret it for the rest of her life. This was a thousand times worse than it had been with Mr. Elton and Mr. Knightley. Miss Woodhouse had thought it all a grand game, but she could not comprehend how truly painful it was to love someone and to lose them so soon. Harriet now understood. Reality was more cruel than she ever thought possible. Miss Woodhouse had never understood it, perhaps would never understand, because everything was handed to her. Harriet had never envied her position more in her life.

He looked at her in concern, for she was not exhibiting the feelings he had expected. Harriet tried to compose herself, but she could stand it no longer. She burst into violent tears suddenly and turned away so he could not see her in such a state.

He reached out a hand to her but pulled back, unsure of himself. There was a silence, then finally, "are my feelings so revolting to you, Madam?" he asked her quietly.

Harriet sobbed, ashamed of herself and despising the fact that he thought her indifferent. "I cannot go on, I shall not. Every feeling revolts. I must tell you presently what my situation is. Oh, Mr. Lestrange, I have not been truthful with you. You must forgive me, for I have had such a lovely time with you. You have been so kind to me and I have repaid you most horribly. I can never forgive myself for such behaviour." She felt as though her chest might burst, she was in such pain. She breathed deeply and then turned to him, determined to tell him outright.

"You think me an heiress, with a fortune and a family and a position. But I am not. I am nothing more than Harriet Smith, the daughter of somebody, but who I simply do not know. I have no fortune, no connections, and no standing, but for the kindness of good friends."

Mr. Lestrange stared at her, shocked by her outburst. Then as realization dawned, he recovered himself. Quietly he asked, "you have no family?"

"None, and I know that you must marry a woman of considerable status. Indeed, I should not have led you on. It was truly terrible of me. But I did not know how to tell you. I feared you would leave forever, and I confess I am selfish. I did not want you to leave, for no one has ever treated me so graciously as you have, and I know it was all a ruse, but I could not help it." Harriet looked away in embarrassment. How cruel she was to lead him on! But she did not think it would matter, for she never thought he could have feelings for her. And if he did, they must be entirely based on her supposed wealth. Now there was nothing to suppose that he would still be interested.

It was silent but for her sobs. Still, she refused to look at him. The breeze was gentle and warm. The sun was setting in the distance.

Finally, he spoke. It was soft, and hesitant. "Do you suppose me so shallow, dear Harriet?"

"I know it to be true, for indeed, no one has ever been interested in me for any other reason than my supposed wealth. Now that you know it to be false, you will leave, as they all have."

Lestrange took her hand gently. Harriet turned to him, startled. He grasped her hand tightly and spoke with a determined look. "Darling Harriet, I do not care about your wealth or your status. I have not given a thought to these things since the moment I met you. I have cared only about the way you light up when you are excited, or the way your brow furrows when you are concentrating on something. I have only concerned myself with making you laugh and hearing your thoughts on the world. Wealth means nothing to me. You know my situation, dearest Harriet. I have no family of my own anymore. You and I are all there is. None of this changes my opinion of you, or the fact that I want you to be my wife."

Harriet was astonished and gratified, but there was one other thing she had to mention. "Oh, how I wish I could accept! But I cannot, for I am to become a governess for the Gardiners and even you would not lower yourself to marry a woman who is meant to be a governess."

"Why should I concern myself with what everyone else believes? If you become my wife, it will not matter what they say. You will have my fortune and my family and that is enough for me. I'll not hide your past, but if you wish, I shall not reveal it either."

Harriet's heart began to lift treacherously. If he truly did not care about her circumstances, could she truly marry him? Could she escape her life as a governess?

"Do you truly mean it?" She asked. "I do not have to work as a governess?"

Lestrange laughed and enveloped her in his arms. "My dear, starting today, you do not have to worry anymore about your fortune or your prospects. I will take care of you so long as you take care of me."

Harriet felt tears well up in her eyes again, but this time she cried tears of joy. To think that he could love her just as she was! No pretence, no fortune involved, just Harriet Smith, the daughter of somebody.

They stayed in that grove for a while longer before returning home when the sun started to set. Harriet had never felt happier in her life.

* * *

Tisbury, Wiltshire truly was a lovely place in summer, Harriet thought as she left the small house behind her to talk a walk. Presently, she was staying with two lovely old women who reminded her of Mrs. and Miss Bates, for she could not stay with Bernard while they were not yet married. That was to change next week, and every day until then seemed to drag on to Harriet.

Mr. and Mrs. Knightley had released her from their care with much congratulations and well-wishes, and Harriet had been only too happy to write back to Mrs. Goddard to tell her that she was to be married. Mrs. Goddard rejoiced in the match and promised to spread word of it in Highbury. Harriet was overjoyed.

The Gardiners were disappointed to see their governess take off before she had begun, but they approved of the match and were delighted to attend the wedding next week with Kitty and her sister Mary in tow. Kitty's letter had been full of excitement and astonishment that she now knew two young women who had managed to marry extremely wealthy men. She hoped there would be a third man come along for herself.

Mr. and Mrs. Knightley had also been invited and Bernard had told Harriet that he had written to the late Mr. Dashwood's brother to invite his family, who constituted a first wife and her three daughters, as well as their stepbrother from the late second wife. Harriet tried, but could not keep track. She settled with remembering their names at the wedding. Then Bernard had gone on to invite a dear friend, his sister, and his newly-wed wife.

When Harriet asked him where they had become acquainted, Bernard's response was, "I met Henry Tilney on business in London and we became instant friends. I visited the Tilneys' estate a few years back. The family were all lovely, though the father is a bit of a curmudgeon." Harriet had laughed at that.

All these people coming to her wedding! And yet she still had more letters to write. She felt it necessary to invite Miss Woodhouse, or rather, it was Mrs. Knightley now. How difficult it would be to keep track of the two Mrs. Knightleys! Harriet wondered how she would manage it. Whatever her title now, the letter must be written and the invitations must be sent. Harriet no longer felt resentment for Emma. Now she felt gratitude that she had encouraged her to seek greater things, though she was quite happy for them to maintain a distance from one another.

The letters were sent and the answers received. Harriet was happy to see that her friend had written a lovely letter congratulating her on her marriage and promising her that she would come for the ceremony.

All was now set, and the day arrived just when Harriet was beginning to think it might never come. Everything was arranged, everyone was in attendance who had been invited, except for Mr. Woodhouse, who would never consider coming so far for such an occasion and had almost stopped Emma from attending. But she was there, and she congratulated her friend warmly on her success. Harriet accepted her blessing graciously. There was no lingering resentment on either side, though there was also no desire to become so close once again.

Harriet had never felt so happy in her life. Though there were many in attendance, it was not an extravagant affair, but still everything seemed right with the world.


End file.
